If you have been regularly visiting this blog (and I have a hard time believing anyone is), you have experienced a prominent trait of my personality, the stumble-get up-try again-stumble cycle exacerbated (look it up LOL) by procrastination. There have been other things going on in my life, which I may discuss over the coming weeks, but the bottom line is I kept putting off working on this site. Now I’m focused. I’m dusting myself off and starting again. Maybe this time I’ll get it right.

          You can tell by the tone of my last few posts that I have been unsure of what to post (or even if I should keep posting). This is partly because I’ve never had a clear idea of what I wanted to do with this blog. I knew I wanted to review books, mainly fantasy, from a Christian perspective, but that was all. I thought I might enjoy sharing some of my thoughts, but I wasn’t sure which ones. Or even why I should. I couldn’t (still can’t) imagine readers being interested in my ramblings unless I was absolutely riveting or I offered something they wanted. The reviews are that, but I can only read and review so many books at a time. And, while I hope I’m interesting, I don’t delude myself that my words are riveting.

          Over the past few weeks and months, I’ve refined my plans for this blog. Along with the reviews, I want to share my faith-walk in the hopes that it will encourage, inspire and challenge whoever reads it. I don’t want a Bible-teaching blog, although there will probably be posts that discuss what I learn in my personal study time. I don’t want a syrupy, give-all-the-pat answers blog, although sometimes I may reveal an elusive truth by examining some of those pat answers. And I certainly don’t want an in-your-face, confrontational type blog, although there may be times that what I write ignites controversy. As the subtitle to this blog states, I want to present my perspective on life and fiction.

          That means my personality, my way of viewing things will be evident and, as my friends know, I’m by no means a controversial Bible-thumper or a syrupy milquetoast Christian. I am, however, a committed, Bible-studying, Bible-believing and Bible-living Christian. If you share that faith, you’ll most likely find encouragement and inspiration here. Maybe even some thought-provoking challenges. If you don’t share that faith, your enjoyment may be limited, but I’m sure you will still find much to peruse and consider.

          Why life and fiction? Because writing, reading and watching fiction is a big part of my life. I love stories. I love to read them, watch them and especially create them. That means, in addition to the reviews, I’ll also be sharing my thoughts and observations about the stories going on around me and the ones I’m creating. While this is not an author website (if/when I’m published, I’ll design a separate site promoting that), writing is a big part of my life. On this blog, I’ll share musings about my writing, as well as my spiritual growth and my life in general.

          I’d originally thought I’d make a schedule and post accordingly, but I’ve decided that is not wise. While I do need routine and even a schedule, I also need flexibility. Instead of creating a rigid schedule, the plan is to post musings about my life, my writing or my spiritual journey at least twice each week. Some weeks I’ll post a review. Again, I’m not going to lock myself into a schedule for producing reviews but I will work hard to post at least one or two a month. Maybe in a few months, I’ll be able to increase that. For now, that will have to be enough.

          I’ll probably stumble again before I get a regular routine established and suddenly realize I have abandoned my blog for days, maybe even weeks. Have faith, I will return. Remember . . . there’s a get-up-and-try-again phase to my cycle.

          Are there people actually reading this blog? Does anyone but me care when I post something? Does it even matter?

          These are some of the questions running through my mind in recent weeks. If there are regular visitors coming to read this blog (and there are a few according to my stats), you realize I struggle to post regularly. I have good intentions. I just don’t seem to be able to write a review and a musing each week. (Might have something to do with having to read a book before writing the review. )

          This leads me back to the question of continuing. When I started this blog, I was certain it was the Lord leading me. I had a clear idea of what I wanted to do, write reviews that would discuss the presence or absence of Christian-compatible themes, actions and characters in stories I read, particularly in the fantasy and science fiction genre. I love that genre, but some of the stories written are anti-God, anti-faith and anti-anything good. Some stories no Christian should read, but many are wonderful glimpses into human interaction and struggle that could enrich any mind. Others are good stories, but some underlying theme or assumption needs to be challenged. How does a person who wants to fill his or her mind with good things, things that strengthen and support a faith-filled life choose those books that will enhance that life?

          That’s why I wanted to present my thoughts on this blog. To share with others my thoughts about those books I read. There are voices out there crying that fantasy is unChristian and anti-Christian. That just isn’t true. Not always. Some stories shine with Christian principles. Others sparkle with wit and humor, lightening the heart with wholesome fun. I want to share my thoughts and impressions, giving enough information so readers can choose wisely. I think such a service is needed.

          But is anyone listening? Or am I just talking to thin air?

          It may appear so and I wonder if I should quit, but if my Lord led me to start this blog, surely He will make certain I know when to stop. Even without listening ears, there are positives that keep me posting, albeit infrequently.

          By continuing to maintain this blog, I force myself to write. Even though I slip and forget to write or post for a week or two or even more, the fact that something needs to be put up on this blog spurs me to continue to write something. Anything. And my mind is also constantly thinking of books I can review. Some are books I’ve read; others I want to read.

          If I stopped writing for this blog, I could spend the mental and physical time creating stories and writing them or studying aspects of the craft of writing. Trouble is, would I? I have a procrastinating personality. Without the tiny prod from the obligation to write this blog and these reviews, I might slip into less productivity. In fact, having to regularly prodece something here probably helps fuel my fiction writing.

          See my dilemma? Do I keep writing, hoping there are some people listening? Yes! I keep writing. And I’ll keep striving to be consistent in my posts. I hope my words inspire you!

          I find myself in something of a dilemma. Who is my audience? I’m not sure.

          I am a dedicated Christian. My life and all I do reflect that. (To be sure you understand what that means, you might want to check out the My Beliefs page.) I want to explore aspects of that faith with and for those who share it. I want to encourage others of like mind with my anecdotes, uplift them with insights and challenge them with the Word. I want to, as Hebrews puts it, “spur one another on to good works.” (Heb 10:24)

          But I also have what I think is a somewhat unique gift (or is it a curse? ). I am able to understand, sometimes even relate to, the objections or arguments against believing, against living this separated lifestyle we Christians are called to embrace. (Or at least I understand some aspects of those objections. Even I find it almost incomprehensible how anyone can choose to not believe in anything spiritual.) I also want to dialogue with them, I want to reason with them, I want to introduce them to the Truth. (He is my Best Friend, after all. I want everyone to know Him as I do. Or at least to a little better why I want to honor Him.) Even beyond that, though, is the fact that dialoging with non-believers will challenge and quantify my own faith. What good is my faith if I can’t articulate to a dissenter in such a way that she at least sees a glimmer of my perspective? And in so doing, I fulfill my destiny, to be light and salt to those around me. (Mt 5: 13)

          There is my dilemma. Who do I talk to? Do I create different blogs for each audience? Or talk to both, and risk alienating one or the other by some of my posts? It’s a dilemma.

          My life, my ideas, everything about me tends to merge and combine and synthesize differing personalities, ideology and practices. This harmonizing and integrating theme runs throughout my entire life. It’s there in my childhood, when I was arbitrating fights between cousins. It’s seen when I was a young mother and I became the catalyst that created a trio of friendship between three disparate women that still thrives, even though we are separated by long distances and family crises. And obviously that same theme is here in my dilemma.

          And, I think, it is the answer to my dilemma.

          Struggle though it may be, I think this blog just might be meant to be a catalyst, as I was with my two friends, that creates (or at least calls for) a friendship, or at least mutual respect, among those who read it. A friendship that accepts, even welcomes differences of opinion while acknowledging a core of absolute truth.

          So while most of my posts may be directly targeting the thinking Christian, I will continue to keep in mind there may be those reading who need a more complete explanation or definition.

          This week on Routines For Writers I posted an update of my 9 x 99 in 2009 project. I’m behind, but I’m getting things done. I don’t want to give the same update here, as this is a different blog, with a different focus, but it got me thinking.

          One of my greatest strengths is my flexibility, the way I can adjust expectations and plans on the fly. Recently, though, I’ve seen my flexibility more as a flaw than a strength. I wanted to stay focused and complete some of the many projects I’ve started or envisioned. That was, in fact, the main reason I conceived 9×99 in 2009.

          I think I confined myself too much, though.

          Even as I made that list of 99 tasks, I thought of several others, just as important. I told myself I could focus on those after the 99 days, but I think that was a mistake. I need flexibility. I need to be able to set aside one project that has lost its luster and go to another one, knowing that my interest in the first project will return. That is, in fact, part of my natural creative rhythm. Yes, it needs direction and discipline imposed at times, but it also needs to not be ignored.

          One of those other projects I wanted to work on is this blog. I want to post more often, maybe as often as daily. I need time and ideas, though. Ideas I could find, time not so much. Not unless I ignore my 9×99 in 2009 project.

          I want to write more reviews, but that means reading more books (or at least a fast rereading of them). That again means I need more time. Time I obligated elsewhere when I created that 9×99 list.

          Or maybe I’m deluding myself. Maybe this blog is unnecessary. Maybe I’m just talking to the air and no one is listening. Maybe. That’s possible. But in order to decide, I need to spend some time praying, thinking and clarifying my vision for having this blog. Time I have to “steal” from the 9×99 projects.

          Time I AM going to steal from the 9×99 in 2009 project.

          The next two weeks will be spent clarifying my desire, purpose and vision for this blog. I will compose and post at least a review and a musing each of those weeks. After that time, I will post at least one more musing detailing my thoughts and decisions about this blog. (If there is anyone out there listening, now is the time to let me know. )

          And then I will complete my 9×99 in 2009. Or at least give it a good try.

          I’m swamped! I finally make a list, 9 tasks long, of what I want to accomplish this summer and suddenly I have 4 new tasks that must be done NOW. And I still have to do those 9 tasks in 99 days. Well, to be honest, I could set some of them to the side if I must. Not all of them, though. One task, tutor a student, must be done this month. I don’t have the luxury of setting it aside. I’m in the midst of that task right now.

          This is why I haven’t posted in a week. Every waking moment has been spent on one or another can’t-be-set-aside task. I had hoped to write up a short description of all the 9 tasks, why I chose each one, how I would measure progress and completion and any other thoughts I wanted to share about it. Not going to happen. It will be September if I wait until it is completely finished to post it. LOL You won’t hang around that long! I wouldn’t expect you to.

          So short snippets as often as I can post them will now be the norm. For the summer at least, the pre-determined schedule will be jettisoned. (Who knows? Maybe we’ll discover this blog runs better that way.) When I get busy like this, I get even more efficient at grabbing those short bits of time. So I suspect I’ll still be able to post twice a week. I just can’t promise posting on a set day and I’m doubt I’ll be able to post many reviews. I’ll work on reviews as I can, but they take much more time to write. I will probably only post a few of those this summer. (If you have any requests, send them to me and I’ll put them on my ever-growing to-do list.)

          Keep treading water with me and we’ll have a great summer in the pool!

          In case you haven’t noticed, I’ll tell you. I’ve been having a hard time thinking of things to blog about. It might be that I have made the focus of this blog a bit too narrow and the “target audience” a bit too broad. At least in my own mind. I’ve considered and discarded several topics in the past few weeks, some because they were not reading- or entertainment-related, others because I thought they might be too “faith-filled”.

          I’ve been evaluating that hesitancy and have come to a conclusion. If you read my About page, you will see that I consider myself a Christian, a wholehearted Christian who lives her life by the truths and principles taught in the Bible. I want to reach out and encourage others like that. I’m well aware that the percentage of people who think like me is small. Even smaller are those with an interest in fantasy entertainment. Many of them may never read my blog, but even so, that person is my audience, the target of my musings. All others are more than welcome, encouraged and solicited even, but my topics will be directed at those who love the Lord Jesus and desire to live lives that honor Him.

          Most likely nothing will really change except the frequency of my posts. My style of conversing, in written and verbal form, is inclusive, considerate and accepting of most everyone I meet. I don’t try to antagonize or condemn and I certainly don’t expect everyone to see life exactly the way I see and experience it. Occasionally, though, I will say or do things that do antagonize or at least discomfit those who do not share my faith. I do not apologize for that. (At least not when it is prompted by my faith. If I’ve just been plain rude, I will eventually apologize. )

          I’ll still be posting reviews most Fridays. The change there, though, will be that I will post reviews of fiction and non-fiction, not just fantasy. I’ve recently read several non-fiction books that I believe are worth sharing and I read across several genres and would like to share thoughts on those. If I find a backlog of reviews accumulating, I’ll add another day for posting them, but for now reviews or links to other review sites will be posted on Fridays.

          In addition to these minor changes for Tuesdays and Fridays, I will also be chronicling a new project, 9 by 99 in 2009. I blogged about it at Routines For Writers and will post more details here during the next few days. I’m not going to plan a blogging schedule for that project. I’ll just post as I have something to say, but at least once a week. Sometimes my Tuesday’s musings and my 9 by 99 musings will be combined, but my goal is to post something different at least three times per week.

          I’m not a morning person. I much prefer staying up late and sleeping in. As a result, I’ve done my best through the years to have jobs or appointments or otherwise structure my life so I don’t have to get up until about 8 or 8:30. Now that my kids are grown and pretty much out of the house (I have one 16 year old still at home), that is pretty much my schedule. Most mornings, my husband gets up about an hour or so before me. His leaving wakes me up just enough that I start my “waking up” process, which is pretty much drifting in and out of sleep for the next hour or so.

          This morning my husband woke up an hour earlier than usual. That, of course, brought me to wakefulness. Right on schedule, about an hour later, I woke up, looked at the clock and realized it was early. I lay there listening to the rain and debating if I wanted the extra time for enjoying the luxury of lying in bed or if I wanted to use it to get a little extra work done (like write this blog!). After a moment’s debate, I drifted back into listening to the rain and wind outside. After several minutes, or so I thought, I flung back the covers and got up. When I looked at the clock, it was 8:30! I’d been lying there for an hour. I must have drifted off to sleep and not realized it.

          My next thought, though, was, “Thank You, Lord,” because I had my blog topic.

          So many times I think of things I would like to do. Time passes and suddenly I realize that wonderful thing didn’t happen. I either have to scramble to make up lost time or I let the idea die a regretful death. If I want to accomplish things, I can’t drift through my days or meander through life. Yes, there is a time and place for play or relaxation. I experienced one this morning. But progress only comes with conscious thought and planning.

          What do my meandering thoughts have to do with this blog? I think it might be time to do some planning. I’ve been winging it for the past six months. The reviews I’ve written have been what I’m reading, the musings what I’m thinking at the moment I sit at the computer. (Or, like today, what I thought of first thing in the morning.) I’m not sure anything is going to change drastically right away, but it is time for me to stop drifting and start planning.

          If there are books or movies you would like me to review or topics you’d like me to discuss, now is the time to comment.

         I’ve missed an entire week! My only excuse is my scatterbrained nature. My son is home on leave from the Army and most of my time has been doing things with him. I thought I’d written something for the musings, earlier this week. When I went to post it, though, I discovered . . . nothing. I thought I’d be able to write and post something Wednesday, but that didn’t happen. Now I’ve realized I don’t have a review written! And I have to walk out the door in ten minutes with my family to go see the new Star Trek movie.

         So . . . . .

         Stay tuned. When I get home, I’ll write up a quick review of the movie. After all, I do say somewhere on this site that I review books AND movies. I should be able to find the time since my son is going off with his friends this afternoon and evening.

         Be back soon!

         Regular visitors will notice a change. I have unstuck the “Orientation” post that explains my schedule and method of posting. I originally had thought there might be times when my reviews contained spoilers and wanted a way to warn readers before they read my post. Over the months of writing reviews, however, I have not once needed to include spoilers in my discussions. So those instructions seem unnecessary.

         I will add a calendar page soon that includes the fact that reviews are posted on Fridays, musings on Tuesdays. I am considering some changes to that schedule so it might be a couple of weeks before that page is posted. There are some non-fiction books I want to review and I am considering musing a little more often on a more general topics. As soon those decisions are finalized, I will create and post the page. In the meantime, continue to enjoy the reviews and musings.

         I never had a literature analysis class in high school and only half-appreciated my one college literature class. It’s not that I don’t like literature. Obviously, I do. I read voraciously. I read genre and literary and even classic works. While in high school, I made a list of literature that I felt I had to read in order to consider myself “well-read”. I don’t have that list anymore, but I remember it had an eclectic mix of stories. Gone with the Wind (which I’d already read), “The Iliad” and the “The Odyssey” (which I hadn’t), “Scarlet Letter,” “Jane Eyre,” “Little Women,” “Last of the Mohicans” (I never read the book, but loved the movie). In that college class I was exposed to a few I hadn’t known, like “Peer Gynt” and Chaucer’s tales. I read and enjoyed most of what I put on that list. And I’m still enjoying the discovery of old and new stories.

         But I’ve never thought I analyzed them very well.

         Why in the world then would I have a website dedicated to reviewing and commenting on books? I’ve asked myself the same question. LOL In my illogical mind, what I do here is vastly different than analyzing literature. (Yes, it is.) I read and comment on stories. First I experience the story. Then I evaluate the experience. But rarely do I look at how it is plotted or what techniques are used to tell the story or how the characters personify different themes or messages. I just experience the story.

         Now sometimes, when I have my “writer’s hat” on, I can pick apart some of those techniques. But this isn’t the place for me to be spouting off about point of view and foreshadowing and keeping the theme consistent and building tension. You’d be bored. I know because my family’s eyes start glazing over when I put on my “writer voice”. (If you are a writer and want to read my thoughts on writing I co-blog at Routines For Writers.)

         I just don’t analyze the mechanics of literature very well. I can’t count the times someone has remarked about how badly written something is and I will have not seen it. (Sometimes I can’t even see it after it is pointed out.) I either enjoy a story or I don’t. But I am also constantly trying to improve myself. To that end, I went looking and found this site that teaches how to analyze literature. And I discovered that, according to this professor, analyzing literature is basically just picking apart the story to see how it’s put together. And many of the suggestions on that list are things I already notice when reading.

         So maybe it isn’t that I don’t analyze well. Maybe it’s that I just see the whole quicker and clearer than the pieces that make up that whole. And that sometimes, in the hands of a good storyteller, the whole becomes more than the pieces. Which is why I can see a good story and others might see flawed pieces of that story.

         I think I’ll keep doing it my way . . . Seeking good storytellers telling good stories.