Stephanie Arises

This blog has been silent a long time. It’s about to wake up.

I disappeared and stayed away much longer than I’d planned. I ran into my scaredy-hole, created a tunnel network down there and am having a hard time finding my way out. Reigniting this blog is just one way I’m re-entering the online world.

Briefly, my husband and I separated and divorced five years ago. I was buried in the pieces of my broken life and dreams. In the process of picking up those pieces, I decided to return to college. The past four years have been an intense, overwhelming, healing, stretching, challenging, I’m-not-going-to-make-it adventure (torture?). I finally graduated in December (2015) with a a BS in Graphic Design, and a Communications minor.

The self-doubt and lack of confidence and just plain I-don’t-fit anywhere-what-do-I-think-I’m-doing-what-could-I-possibly-do-that-matters feelings have pommelled me since graduation. I’ve alternated between being convinced I’m not really qualified to do anything (they only awarded me that degree because they felt sorry for me) and glaring down those doubts and trampling them with physical proof (such as a recitation of the difficult classes and what I learned earning that degree). All that angsty feeling results in a lot of procrastination. (Anyone else get frozen when their emotions go dark?)

It is well past time to stick my head out of my scaredy-hole and re-engage with my dreams. So here I am. Not sure my dreams are the same as before. (How could the be? I’m a different person.) But it’s time to explore, re-discover and re-ignite them.

That’s what I’ll be doing here. Posts may be about anything or nothing. My goal is to establish the routine of posting, of sharing my thoughts on a regular basis with anyone who listens.

One refrain that I intuitively embraced for my healing was “Be transparent . . . With discernment.” I was escaping and healing from a lifetime of trying to please others and hiding myself (and from myself) in the process.
This blog will be about me being transparent.

I’ll be talking about a lot of things at first. Eventually, some topics may spin off into their own blog, but for now, if it interests me, I’ll be writing about it here. I’ll also be posting to my fledgling business site, SaRose Design and the writer’s blog, Routines for Writers. For the most part, though, my personal blogging life will be on display here.

Looking forward to re-establishing the conversation.